State of Mind

Hello there, reader!

It’s been a little while since I’ve posted on this blog. In some ways, I struggle to find out what exactly TO write about. I think over the next bit, expect me to write a handful of different things, to get my groove back.

But, in order to get back to the laptop, I decided to write what is on my mind. These past few weeks, my mind has been in a bit of a funk. So, I’m hoping by typing out my thoughts for a bit, I can go back and read this and really think this week.

In terms of fitness, I just have not been feeling it. I had a great couple of weeks to start the month and it just felt like something deeper has been gnawing on me.

In terms of my work/life situation, everything is going fine. My family is in good health, my job has been going fine. Sometimes though, I feel like I’m under-appreciated for as much as folks “need” me at their beck and call, what job isn’t like that though?

As for family, my wife and I are getting along great as we always do. My family and I talk and do things together here and there. One of my parents is elderly and my other is a healthcare professional, so we are always cautious about our interactions due to the pandemic.

We got a puppy seven days ago, and it was one of those situations to where we really weren’t looking for a puppy, but he chose us. Glad he did because he’s been keeping my spirits up, and honestly also, keeping me on my toes.

Lately, I’ve been in a reading mood. A week ago, I finished a book called The Aquarian Singularity by Nick Hinton. It was a great read but only for folks that really want to set their beliefs aside and enter a world of “What if?” If you like paranormal stuff and a good entertaining collection of conspiracy theories, then this is the book to explore. He’s not really a crackpot like the old school theorists, he just brings in a lot of new age topics like Artificial Intelligence, CERN, the Mandela Effect, age of Aquarius, etc.

That reminds me, I’ve started a Google Document, just keeping it to myself for now, but it serves the purpose as a place for me to jot my own personal thoughts regarding what I read lately. It’s not really a review, just a collection of thoughts that got churned up by the reading.

I think the next book I’m reading, The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale, will be a book I make multiple entries.

For now, I just want to read, research, and write here and there. Mostly just to sharpen my brain with the proper whetstone.

I still wanted to type this entry for you all and I think I will type more State of Mind personal entries with you all. I also have another Google Document for this purpose but it’s for my own, more daily things.

One common issue I have noticed during this funk is that some of the people I associate with, work and private life, seem like they have changed. Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing something wrong, just part of my self-critical nature. However, this time, I am more accepting that sometimes you just outgrow some friends and as for workers, you just need to retreat a little bit.

Two examples real quick:

First example is one of my oldest friends. I’ve known this guys since high school. For most of 2020, we had this thing to where him and his wife, as well as my wife and myself, would log on at least three nights a week and play a popular online shooting game. The game was just the vehicle where we would just chat it up and have a lot of fun BSing around. The most awesome benefit from this is that we got to spend a weekend with them in the summer of 2020 and just enjoy things in person. It was great and I’d love to do it again.

At the start of 2021, I had to help my wife with the process of searching for a new home. In January, we sold our home and at the start of February, we bought our new home. The process was so grueling and we had to pack up a lot of our things, including many electronics, so that when it came time to show the house and move, it would be a lot less of a hassle.

So fast forward to about April, we finally got unboxed and unpacked enough to start our online gaming sessions once or twice a week. It just was not the same. Some times, my wife was just tired from work but she stuck with it. Other times, we would be asked to play repeatedly and when we logged on, they would either be very late or they would be quiet due to an argument or whatever.

Around May-June, it just became a thing of logging on, playing, and no matter what kind of dialogue we would try to start, just like the old times, they would either tune us out or just worry about winning that silly ass game. We didn’t really care about winning, I always viewed it as a byproduct of us having fun.

In July, around the Fourth, we all had some time off and decided to play. We had a great time the first session. It felt like our usual. Then, we logged off to catch the fireworks. Afterward, we all wanted to hang out again so we logged on. My friend just had a moment to where he killed my wife’s character over and over just to be a troll and y’all it set my wife off. She just flat out logged off and since then, she just refuses to play.

So since then, I told him I’m taking a break from the online games too, some of it though is just to cover for my wife. Honestly though, they weren’t as fun as they used to be and the game was not either, so it kind of worked out. Sadly though, my friend and I don’t get to talk much anymore. I try to engage him and talk about regular stuff but it just goes one ear out the other. I might get a reply two days later about something completely different. For a bit, I wondered if it was me. I haven’t really changed. Even before my wife got mad at that one night, they’ve just been kind of distant.

Feels like it’s time to quit forcing something that just isnt going to work. It’s hard to do though because that weekend in 2020 was so fun but I guess that’s why we need to cherish each chance like that we get, because we might not get it again for whatever reason.

Another example belongs to some of my co-workers. For them, I’m not going to type a post nearly as long as my previous example. It boils down simply to the fact that I have to always be around for them when they get pinned to the wall by the client because they themselves do not take the time to learn our craft. If you can guess, I’m middle management and they are project managers. This seems like a dynamic that is prevalent in many, many industries. Especially ours since we work remotely and the higher ups always seem absent or hyper-pushy. There’s no in between. I really don’t mind my role but a simple thank you would just go a long way. Or when I work through a “lunch” on friday, it does not turn into a big ordeal I want to take off an hour early when we are already caught up on work.

These situations sent be back to a book I used to read called The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene.

One of these laws comes to mind and I think I am going to spend this week practicing it upon people while I take some time to read and just breathe.

Law 16: Use Absence To Increase Respect and Honor

So this law, summed up the best I can, is all about creating value through scarcity. We see this used a lot in regards to merchandise and marketing. For this example, I am going to apply it to work. I’m always around during work, for people in multiple departments. I take time to message others, dialogue with them, check on them, etc. So this next week, I’m just going to respond to certain people when I am asked. On top of that, I am going to keep my words to a minimum. I always make sure I watch my tone so it will be professional.

As for my friend, it’s real hard to apply this law. For him, I’ll just keep things to a minimum. I’ll keep whatever conversation we have going, but not really go further than that.

So until next week readers, I’m going to keep working on myself and trying to fix some of my mental software. Maybe it’s my approach to things that isn’t sound? That’s why I’m checking out Mr. Peale’s book. Also, I’m reading my Bible here and there, of course as many of you long term readers may know, I am a spiritual person and I really enjoy reading the gospels about Jesus, I just don’t care for the dogma and old testament law.

I’ll keep you all updated!

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